Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #1

How it all began... Dood is a genius!

[I've also successfully posted a song that's stuck in my head right now... killing birds efficiently and all that...]

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #255

I sued Taco Bell
'Cause I ate half-a-million Chalupas and I got fat
I sued Panasonic
They never said I shouldn't use their microwave to dry off my cat, huh

I sued Earthlink
'Cause I called 'em up and they had the nerve to put me on hold
I sued Starbucks
'Cause I spilled a frappucino in my lap and brr, it was cold

I sued Toys 'R Us
Cause I swallowed a Nerf ball and nearly choked to death, huh
I sued PetCo
'Cause I ate a bag of kitty litter and now I got bad breath

I sued Coca-Cola, yo
'Cause I put my finger down in a bottle and it got stuck
I sued Delta Airlines
'Cause they sold me a ticket to New Jersey - I went there, and it sucked

Yeah
If you stand me up on a date
If you deliver my pizza thirty seconds late

I'm gonna sue, sue, yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna sue, sue, yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, yeah, I might even sue you
Ughh

I sued Duracell
They never told me not to shove that double-A right up my nose
I sued Home Depot
'Cause they sold me a hammer which they knew I might drop on my toes

I sued Dell Compueters
'Cause I took a bath with my laptop, now it doesn't work
I sued Fruit Of The Loom
'Cause when I wear my tighty-whities on my head I look like a jerk

I sued Verizon
'Cause I get all depressed every time my cell phone is roaming
I sued Colorado
'Cause you know, I think it looks a little bit too much like Wyoming!

I sued Neiman Marcus
'Cause they put up their Christmas decorations way out of season
I sued Ben Affleck
Aww, do I even need a reason?

Uhh
If I sprain my ankle while I'm robbin' your place
If I hurt my knuckles while I punch you in the face

I'm gonna sue, sue, yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna sue, sue, yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, that's right, I'm gonna sue you
Ughh, ughh, ughh

— "I'll Sue Ya" Weird Al Yankovic

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #511

Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you
Actually, on second thought, well, I suppose I could
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honey, you're the greatest
Well, at any rate, I guess you're pretty good

Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky
I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more
I honestly can say you're an above average lady
You're almost just what I've been looking for

You're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now

You're pretty close to what I've always hoped for
That's why my love for you is fairly strong
And I swear I'm never gonna leave you, darlin'
At least 'til something better comes along

'Cause you're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now
No, not really, but you're good enough for now

— "Good Enough For Now" Weird Al Yankovic

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #217

I met him in a swamp down in Dagoba
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S O D A, soda

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda"
Y O D A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

— "Yoda" Weird Al Yankovic

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #19

Sometimes in private, I really like to dress up like Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick)

— Confessions Part III Weird Al

Ode to a Carrot

Do I Creep You Out | Send To Friends | Funny Clean Jokes at JibJab

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #14

Just One of Those Days

Got to work late 'cause my alarm was busted
The boss chewed me out and everybody's disgusted
'Cause it's one of those days, it's just one of those days

I lost one of my socks in the drier
I can't find my wallet and my hair is on fire
Just one of those days, it's just one of those days

I just wrapped my Cadillac around a tree
A big swarm of locusts is following me
There's not even anything good on TV
It's just one of those days, it's just one of those days

Left all my Beatles records out in the sun
Got a Coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue
It's just one of those days, gonna be one of those days

The nazis tied me up and covered me with ants
And I spilled toxic waste on my brand new pants
Just one of those days, ever have one of those days

The bank called me up and told me I'm overdrawn
Some freaks are burnin' crosses out on my front lawn
And I can't believe it, all the Cheetos are gone
It's just, just one of those, one of those days
Just one of those, one of those days

The F.B.I. has got a tap on my phone
Those darn Russian spies won't leave me alone
Shouldn't have got up this morning, should've known
It's just one of those days, it's just one of those days

A 747 crashed into my den
And there's nothin' but tater-tots for dinner again
It's just one of those days
Never mind, it's just one of those days

Big steamroller just ran over my mom
And I cut myself shaving and they're dropping the bomb
It's just one of those days
That's all, it's just one of those days

Then late at night, just before I go to bed
The world blows up and now everybody's dead
You just can't deny it, it's just like I said
Just, just one of those, one of those days
Just one of those, one of those days

It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days

— Weird Al "Just One of Those Days"

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #102

Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one
Open up a package of my bologna
Ooh, I think the toast is done, the toast is done
Top it with a little of my bologna

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna

Spreadin' on the mustard now, show me how
Spread it on a litle of this bologna
Hopin' that we don't run out, don't run out
If we do I'm sure that I'll miss bologna

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna

[belch]

Goin' to the market now, market now
I'm the city's biggest bologna buyer
Walkin' down the shopping isles, shopping isles
Filling up my basket with Oscar Meyer

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna

— Weird Al, "My Bologna"

Weird Al is my hero

Listen to this delicious parody of James "The-Bane-of-my-music-listening-experience" Blunt by the one and only Weird Al here.

From NPR.org:

According to Yankovic, Blunt himself gave his blessing to a song called "You're Pitiful", which was to appear on Yankovic's now-finished but as-yet-unreleased new album. But after Yankovic finished recording the parody, Atlantic Records, Blunt's label, told Yankovic that he couldn't release "You're Pitiful." Though Yankovic has encountered resistance from artists before -- after a miscommunication involving permissions, Coolio publicly objected to a released parody of "Gangsta's Paradise," while Prince has always turned down Yankovic's requests to parody his hits -- he says this is the first time a label has stepped in to squash the release of one of his parodies. (Quoth an Atlantic representative: "We have no comment on this matter.")

Audio visual Effexts for moment WA #488

"Weird Al" Yankovic's music video from his new album "Straight Outta Lynwood"

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #488

They see me mowin'
My front lawn
I know they're all thinking
I'm so White N' nerdy

Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!
I wanna roll with-
The gangsters
But so far they all think
I'm too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Really really white n' thirty

First in my class here at M.I.T.
Jock skills I'm a champion of D&D
MC Escher that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin to the contrary
You'll find they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Stephen Hawking's in my library
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
I got people begging for my top 8 spaces
Yo I know Pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a whiz at minesweeper I can play for days
Once you see my sweet moves you're gonna stay amazed
my fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze
There's no killer app I haven't run
At Pascal, well, I'm number one
I do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat but I got a soldering gun
Happy Days is my favorite theme song
I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in Java Script as well as Klingon

They see me roll on, my Segway!
I know in my heart they think I'm
white n' nerdy!
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy
I'd like to roll with-
The gangsters
Although it's apparent I'm too
White n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
How'd I get so white n' nerdy?

I've been browsing, inspectin'
X-men comics you know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket I must protect 'em
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shopping online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized the Holy Grail
Really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
I got a business doing websites
When my friends need some code who do they call?
I do HTML do for them all
Even make a homepage for my dog!
Yo I got myself a fanny pack
they were having a sale at the GAP
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
POP POP! Hope no one sees me get freaky!

I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour cream
I was in AV club and Glee club and even the chess team!
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?
I spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire
Got my name on my underwear!

They see me strollin'
They laughin'
And rollin' their eyes 'cause
I'm so white n' nerdy
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
All because I'm white n' nerdy
Holy cow I'm white n' nerdy
I wanna bowl with-
the gangsters
but oh well it's obvious I'm
white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!

— Weird Al, "White & Nerdy"

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #91

Use my razor to shave your legs
Eat crackers in bed
Stomp the poodle 'til it's flat
You can even shove a six-inch railroad spike through my head
I can learn to live with that

But now I'm begging you down on my bended knees
Oh, honey, please, don't wear those shoes
You can whip me, beat me, rob me blind
Baby, I don't mind, but please don't wear those... Shoooooes

— From Don't Wear Those Shoes Weird Al

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #621

Put down your chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite

You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch

You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Wimpole's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan

Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid

— Weird Al Yankovic, "Dare to be Stupid"

New album drops September 26th (Happy Birthday, Munny!)

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #381

"Your Horoscope For Today"

Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of the is absolutely true.

Where was I?

Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

-- "Your Horoscope For Today"
Weird Al Yankovic