Sure you've heard it called other names: beer belly, big belly, breadbasket, dinner pail, front porch, garbage can, gut, keg, kitchen, middle-aged spread, midriff, midsection, navy chest, pantry, paunch, pot, pot belly, spare tire, stomach, tank...
We prefer to call it the "Happiness Curve" for all of the times we have enjoyed eating a delicious meal. Let's face it, if you really love good food, the Happiness Curve is hard to avoid.
Woman #1: I don't think I can handle a two-hour meeting.
Woman #2: The trick is to doodle in your notebook the whole time; it looks like you're taking notes.
Woman #1: I can design outfits for my cat rodeo!
330 South 3rd Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard in the Office by: Cora
Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Susan: A girl's gotta have her standards.
— Real Genius (1985)
What is big and purple, is covered with green fur, has 13 arms and 34 legs, eats celery and goes "Borf borf!"?
• You have deep, personal relationships via computers with people you've never met in real life before.
• The phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis.
• You know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song.
• Songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day.
• You remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone for the weekend".
• You remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV.
• You're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60's, pissed that you were a part of the 70's, think you wasted too much time doing stupid, meaningless things in the 80's, and still have no clue what the 90's are all about.
• While in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by Prince over and over again.
• You remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was.
• You were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion (which you were probably watching in school at the time), and yet, when someone mentions the name "JFK", the first thing you think of is "Oliver Stone".
• You, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to "It's the end of the world as we know it".
• You took family trips before the invention of the mini-van. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.
• You've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut".
• You can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" didn't involve 49,000 selections to choose from.
• Schoolhouse Rock played a huge part in how you actually learned the English language.
• There were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter".
• The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.
• You're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all, and it's those people over 40 you have to look out for.
• Your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting".
• This timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life: Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the creatures are WAY cool. Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of every collectible out there. Return of the Jedi hits the theaters...you are now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or Han Solo's butt.
• You remember when the phrase "candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth" started getting followed by "yeah, but M&M's won't give you AIDS...".
• You're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major degree.
• You won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a first name basis because "there's too many kids there".
• Going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods when the cops show up.
• You're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel, not just from parents, but now from friends that are married.
• You've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so.
• You're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo used on MTV any more.
• You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.
• You ever used the phrase "don't make me angry...you wouldn't like me when I'm angry" when trying to frighten someone off.
• You spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man.
• You remember "Hey, let's be careful out there".
• You know who shot J.R.
• This rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."
David Lee Roth
If Ted Nugent gets his own reality show, I think I deserve one, too. I mean, it’s only fair. I should have had one first. Wait… Was it Ted Nugent who was in Van Halen or Sammy Hagar? I get them confused. I hope Sammy Hagar didn’t get his own reality show, too. Man, that would suck.
Jack Burton: It's like I told my last wife, I said, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides that, it's all in the reflexes."
— Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
We're ready to go
We're standin here outside your door
we hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin
Its early morn
The taxis waitin
Hes blowin his horn
Already We're so lonesome
we could die
So kiss us and smile for us
Tell us that you'll wait for us
Hold us like you'll never let us go
cause We're leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when We'll be back again
Oh babe, we hate to go
Theres so many times We've let you down
So many times We've played around
we tell you now, they dont mean a thing
Every place we go, We'll think of you
Every song we sing, We'll sing for you
When we come back, We'll bring your wedding ring
So kiss us and smile for us
Tell us that you'll wait for us
Hold us like you'll never let us go
cause We're leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when We'll be back again
Oh babe, we hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let us kiss you
Then close your eyes
We'll be on our way
Dream about the days to come
When we wont have to leave alone
About the times, we wont have to say
Oh, kiss us and smile for us
Tell us that you'll wait for us
Hold us like you'll never let us go
cause We're leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when We'll be back again
Oh babe, we hate to go
But, We're leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when We'll be back again
Oh babe, we hate to go
| 1. | shero | |
A female hero; a heroine; a strong woman who has accomplished great things of epic proportions "Joan of Arc, who burned to death at the stake, was a shero before her time." www.urbandictionary.com | ||
Del Preston: So there, I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopkeeper and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really, but sure enough I got the M&Ms, and Ozzy went on stage that night...
— Waynes World 2 (1993)
... So now you know where the "shoes" bit has always come from. For the record, I am most definitely twisted, but not *that* twisted ... most of the time ;)
