Carrot's Top Ten — REVISED II

A special thanks to 300 and Rome for inspiration.   Subject to change
at whim...

1) Gerard Butler More Gerard photos here... 3) Clive Owen More Clive photos here... 5) Josh Lucas More Josh photos here... 7) Ryan Reynolds More Ryan photos here... 9) Michael Vartan More Michael photos here...

2) Jason Statham More Jason photos here... 4) James Purefoy NEW! More James photos here... 6) David Wenham More David photos here... 8) Matthew McConaughey More Matthew photos here... 10) Heath Ledger More Heath photos here...

Thanks for the memories...
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

More Adewale photos here...

BArt

Recognize the Subjects?

ETS, we hardly knew ye...

A tribute to ETS:

And one more (not for the faint of heart...)

Bon voyage, good buddy.

Special thanks to www.greysquirrel.net for the squirrel animations

My Spoon is Too Big

For Munners

Hertzfeldt is king.

Uh, oh... another evil CAT

Just what do you think he was up to?

Matzo and Sandler

Celebrity Quote of the Month...DON'T TELL HIS ACHEY BREAKY HEART

"I always prayed that God would give me the wisdom and the vision to do the things on this earth that I was supposed to do to express His life and love and His will." - Billy Ray Cyrus

Carrot needs a vacation people!

When being "committed" doesn't have anything to do with romance...

Special thanks to South Park Studios

Too Cool for School

This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what crowd you ran with, etc. It's based purely on how you react to the stimuli presented on the web-page. It's pretty dern accurate. And remember, you'll always be cool in my book!

SEE IF YOU ARE A STILL A COOL PERSON:

KEWL TEST

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #511

Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you
Actually, on second thought, well, I suppose I could
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honey, you're the greatest
Well, at any rate, I guess you're pretty good

Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky
I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more
I honestly can say you're an above average lady
You're almost just what I've been looking for

You're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now

You're pretty close to what I've always hoped for
That's why my love for you is fairly strong
And I swear I'm never gonna leave you, darlin'
At least 'til something better comes along

'Cause you're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now
No, not really, but you're good enough for now

— "Good Enough For Now" Weird Al Yankovic

Rocket's E-Date #1

Poor Rocket... he's got lots of free time now that Sprout has arrived. Carrot and Gus to the rescue!!! Introducing Rocket's E-Date #1:

Giselle

Likes include long walks, bum-sniffing and parf.

It's a Girl!!!

March 8, 2007 • 8 lbs, 3 oz • 21 inches • All Cute

A Nightmare Before Christmas, Tool Dubbed

Found by none other than Yogi!

Bunnies Attack

For Brinders

I Slink, Therefore I am

"Some people are like Slinkies.

They're not good for much, but they
still bring a smile to your face when
you push them down the stairs."

For All My Young Women

By : Jazabel Tan

By the time the Lord made woman,

he was into his sixth day of working overtime.

An angel appeared and said,

"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered,

"Have you seen my spec sheet on her?

She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,

have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable

and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,

have a lap that can hold four children at one time,

have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart

-and she will do everything

with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements.

"Only two hands!?

No way!

And that's just on the standard model?

That's too much work for one day.

Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested.

"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.

She already heals herself when she is sick

AND can work 18 hours a day."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman.

"But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed,

"but I have also made her tough.

You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.

The Lord replied,

"Not only will she be able to think,

she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something,

and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.

"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.

I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak,"

the Lord corrected,

"that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,

her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,

her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed.

"You are a genius, Lord.

You thought of everything!

Woman is truly amazing."

And she is!

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness,

love, and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY sometimes FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Munny's Funny Flashback

I MISS LARD!!!!

Uuuum, what?

Check it out

Boston Art, or BART for fun

Again, NOT Gus, but I want to start doing Gus and/or Rocket BART soon.

PLAY AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

This sketch contains explicit lyrics not for the faint of heart

Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame

Miracle Max: He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.

Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.

Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.

Inigo Montoya: What's that?

Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

— The Princess Bride (1987)

TGIFFAGDIA

Carrot likes Fridays

Thank-God-It's-Frecking-Friday-Already-Gol-Damn-It-ALL

Blast From the Past Moment du Jour

Dookie Picture

Today I made a dookie that looked like the alien baby from the Alien movie... all fetal and everything. I wanted to pick it from the bowl and caress it for its first moments of life, but the auto flusher got him before he even took his first breath.

— From Munny on 7/12/06

Public Service Announcement

An open letter to the vermin who steal credit card information from honest, hardworking citizens:

You'll get yours, oh yes... you'll get yours!

Randumb

Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame

Crash Davis: Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.

— Bull Durham (1988)

OH SNAP

HBO turns 'Fire' into fantasy series

Office Mortal Kombat

Don't laugh... it's on my resume under the "Other Skills" section...

Stay tuned...

Carrot's Imminent Return to the VIOH...

...you will be able to dance (if you want to)!

YOU
PEEPLE
BORE
MEEEEEEEEE!

Primping Gusoline

Seen here post bath, Gusoline got a proper spa day quite opposite of ten minutes in the Pet Spa.
(subject is a K9 actor portraying Gus, not the actual phenom that IS Gus)

What next?

A Snickers ad has been pulled after some groups called it homophobic, suicide watch groups want GM robot ad pulled and a controversy over Prince's silhouetted guitar solo at the Super Bowl.

Pets Benefit from the unique technology

Pet's Spa Cabin eliminates the stress produced by current pet cleaning methods. The Cabin eliminates the need for punishment or sedatives when washing nervous or aggressive cats and dogs.

Several programs are available to meet the different needs of each Pet and breed. The time of the bath is usually reduced in half compared to traditional bathing. The Cabin provides a warm hydro-massage shower stimulating the circulation which is very beneficial for arthritis, muscle weakness, physical therapy and rehabilitation.
Temperatures are precisely maintained at the recommended levels by the Board of Veterinary Medicine. Using a precise dosage center the Cabin can deliver a variety of medications and chemicals at exact amounts and intervals.

During the drying process the air is distributed evenly around the Cabin. This is more pleasant for the pet than the normal method using a direct stream of air.

HOW 'BOUT NO

Top Ten Reasons Why it's great to be a woman

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

From Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame

Jack Burton: When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against a bar room wall, looks you straight in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" [pause] "Yessir, the check is in the mail."

— Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Dog is God Spelled Backwards

Return of the Celebrity Quotes!

David Hasselfhoff - "I find it a bid sad that there is no photo of me at the museum at Checkpoint Charlie."

Beware of SHAKEZULA, FRYLOCK, and MEATWAD!!!

'Aqua Teen' hoax causes bomb scare in Boston???

Another Dogism

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

Live the life you have imagined

Ode To The Nut Shot

One of Many Dogisms

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.
And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam

Too Legit to Quit

All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread. These are not made up. Check them out yourself!

1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com

2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales ,
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
www.speedofart.com

Know of any more?

Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #217

I met him in a swamp down in Dagoba
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S O D A, soda

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda"
Y O D A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

— "Yoda" Weird Al Yankovic

Who knows how to be a drunken mouse?

Click HERE if you don't have the plug in!

Feel better EVERYONE!!

C'mon FOLKS keep the MAGIC alive!!

TO: ALL PERSONNEL

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting

5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting

5320 Waiting for Lunch

5321 Waiting for End of Day

5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid

5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries

5510 Feeling Bored

5601 Complaining About Low Pay

5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining

5701 Not Actually Present At Job

6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food

6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit

6201 Stealing Company Goods

6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)

6211 Updating Resume

6223 Pretending You Like Coworker

6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing

6611 Staring Into Space

6612 Staring At Computer Screen

6615 Transcendental Meditation

7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)

7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone

8000 Recreational Drug Use

8001 Non-recreational Drug Use

8002 Liquid Lunch

8100 Reading e-mail

Mmmm-mmmmm Good

The Incredible Edible Egg

Look what's good for breakfast!

http://health.yahoo.com/better-in-2007/get-healthy-now

R.I.P. Iwao Takamoto

I never knew you, and never would have found out your name had you not died, but you created the "One Pure Soul"... the Scooby Doo of my childhood AND adulthood. Thank you Iwao, sorry you died!

The Show must go on...

My dream home

IF I HAD 78 MILLION DOLLARS

Word of the Day...

1.	tarantula pants
	Tarantula pants is a penguin, who directs traffic with a life saver, like the ones in star wars. "Look it's Tarantula Pants!" www.urbandictionary.com

Carrot's Personal Spiritual Guide Weighs In...

Sometimes when you've just returned from vacation and
being back at work makes you sad and crunchy inside...

... you just have to sit back and envision yourself as a greasy taco
about to be devoured by a cracked-out wildebeast...

... and remember that things could be ickier.