CelebWITty Quote
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Do I look like deez ladies?
My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
WHO DOES THE WORK????
Who's working anyway?
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
Ace Ventura: [as Captain Kirk] Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from... total annihilation. SO FAR... no... signs of aquatic life, but I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I've... GOT TO, MISTER.
— Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
Overheard in the Office
A new name for what Carrot does on a daily basis...
Tech #1: Have you read the email from the project managers?
Tech #2: Yes, I have. Would you like to create the reply?
Tech #1: Are you asking me to flush out the stupid?
Courtesy of Overheard in the Office
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Speaking of Mullets...
Definitions for a few of the world's most awesome haircuts ever!!! To be continued for sure...
Bowllet - the combination of two of the worst haircuts imaginable, and quite possibly the worst mullet style of all.
The 10/90 - often cited as the purest of all mullets, simply 10% of the hair on the top and 90% hanging off the back.
The Rat Tail - a cowardly mullet, for someone who would dearly love to have a mullet but doesn't have the courage to go all the way.
Rocket's E-Date #2
Alas, true love with Giselle was not to be, and Rocket is still in the hunt. Introducing Rocket's E-Date #2:
Likes include salsa dancing, yipping and rolling in smelly things.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Carrot's Top Ten — REVISED II
A special thanks to 300 and Rome for inspiration. Subject to change
at whim...
Thanks for the memories...
More Adewale photos here...
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
ETS, we hardly knew ye...
A tribute to ETS:
And one more (not for the faint of heart...)
Bon voyage, good buddy.
Special thanks to www.greysquirrel.net for the squirrel animations
Friday, March 23, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Celebrity Quote of the Month...DON'T TELL HIS ACHEY BREAKY HEART
"I always prayed that God would give me the wisdom and the vision to do the things on this earth that I was supposed to do to express His life and love and His will." - Billy Ray Cyrus
Friday, March 16, 2007
Carrot needs a vacation people!
When being "committed" doesn't have anything to do with romance...
Special thanks to South Park Studios
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Too Cool for School
This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what crowd you ran with, etc. It's based purely on how you react to the stimuli presented on the web-page. It's pretty dern accurate. And remember, you'll always be cool in my book!
SEE IF YOU ARE A STILL A COOL PERSON:
Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #511
Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you
Actually, on second thought, well, I suppose I could
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honey, you're the greatest
Well, at any rate, I guess you're pretty good
Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky
I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more
I honestly can say you're an above average lady
You're almost just what I've been looking for
You're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now
You're pretty close to what I've always hoped for
That's why my love for you is fairly strong
And I swear I'm never gonna leave you, darlin'
At least 'til something better comes along
'Cause you're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now
No, not really, but you're good enough for now
— "Good Enough For Now" Weird Al Yankovic
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Rocket's E-Date #1
Poor Rocket... he's got lots of free time now that Sprout has arrived. Carrot and Gus to the rescue!!! Introducing Rocket's E-Date #1:
Likes include long walks, bum-sniffing and parf.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Saturday, March 03, 2007
I Slink, Therefore I am
"Some people are like Slinkies.
They're not good for much, but they
still bring a smile to your face when
you push them down the stairs."
still bring a smile to your face when
you push them down the stairs."
Friday, March 02, 2007
For All My Young Women
By : Jazabel Tan
By the time the Lord made woman,
he was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered,
"Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!?
No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."
"But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hours a day."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak,"
the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love, and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY sometimes FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
Miracle Max: He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.
Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.
Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
— The Princess Bride (1987)
Friday, February 23, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Blast From the Past Moment du Jour
Dookie Picture
Today I made a dookie that looked like the alien baby from the Alien movie... all fetal and everything. I wanted to pick it from the bowl and caress it for its first moments of life, but the auto flusher got him before he even took his first breath.
— From Munny on 7/12/06
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Public Service Announcement
An open letter to the vermin who steal credit card information from honest, hardworking citizens:
You'll get yours, oh yes... you'll get yours!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
Crash Davis: Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.
— Bull Durham (1988)
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