Thursday, February 15, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
Primping Gusoline
Seen here post bath, Gusoline got a proper spa day quite opposite of ten minutes in the Pet Spa.
(subject is a K9 actor portraying Gus, not the actual phenom that IS Gus)
Friday, February 09, 2007
What next?
A Snickers ad has been pulled after some groups called it homophobic, suicide watch groups want GM robot ad pulled and a controversy over Prince's silhouetted guitar solo at the Super Bowl.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Pets Benefit from the unique technology
Pet's Spa Cabin eliminates the stress produced by current pet cleaning methods. The Cabin eliminates the need for punishment or sedatives when washing nervous or aggressive cats and dogs.
Several programs are available to meet the different needs of each Pet and breed. The time of the bath is usually reduced in half compared to traditional bathing. The Cabin provides a warm hydro-massage shower stimulating the circulation which is very beneficial for arthritis, muscle weakness, physical therapy and rehabilitation.
Temperatures are precisely maintained at the recommended levels by the Board of Veterinary Medicine. Using a precise dosage center the Cabin can deliver a variety of medications and chemicals at exact amounts and intervals.
During the drying process the air is distributed evenly around the Cabin. This is more pleasant for the pet than the normal method using a direct stream of air.
HOW 'BOUT NO
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Top Ten Reasons Why it's great to be a woman
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Friday, February 02, 2007
From Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
Jack Burton: When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against a bar room wall, looks you straight in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" [pause] "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
— Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Return of the Celebrity Quotes!
David Hasselfhoff - "I find it a bid sad that there is no photo of me at the museum at Checkpoint Charlie."
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Another Dogism
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings
-Josh Billings
Monday, January 29, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
One of Many Dogisms
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.
And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Too Legit to Quit
1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com
2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales ,
www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
www.speedofart.com
Know of any more?
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #217
I met him in a swamp down in Dagoba
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S O D A, soda
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda"
Y O D A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
— "Yoda" Weird Al Yankovic
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
TO: ALL PERSONNEL
Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.
Thank you,
Accounting
Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting
5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries
5510 Feeling Bored
5601 Complaining About Low Pay
5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 Not Actually Present At Job
6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 Stealing Company Goods
6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6211 Updating Resume
6223 Pretending You Like Coworker
6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6611 Staring Into Space
6612 Staring At Computer Screen
6615 Transcendental Meditation
7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
8000 Recreational Drug Use
8001 Non-recreational Drug Use
8002 Liquid Lunch
8100 Reading e-mail
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
R.I.P. Iwao Takamoto
I never knew you, and never would have found out your name had you not died, but you created the "One Pure Soul"... the Scooby Doo of my childhood AND adulthood. Thank you Iwao, sorry you died!
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Monday, January 08, 2007
Word of the Day...
| 1. | tarantula pants | |
Tarantula pants is a penguin, who directs traffic with a life saver, like the ones in star wars. "Look it's Tarantula Pants!" www.urbandictionary.com | ||
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Carrot's Personal Spiritual Guide Weighs In...
Sometimes when you've just returned from vacation and
being back at work makes you sad and crunchy inside...
... you just have to sit back and envision yourself as a greasy taco
about to be devoured by a cracked-out wildebeast...
... and remember that things could be ickier.
being back at work makes you sad and crunchy inside...
... you just have to sit back and envision yourself as a greasy taco
about to be devoured by a cracked-out wildebeast...
... and remember that things could be ickier.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
— My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #19
Sometimes in private, I really like to dress up like Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick)
— Confessions Part III Weird Al
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
Santa Claus: How about a nice football?
Ralphie as Adult: Football? Football? What's a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out "football".
Santa Claus: Okay, get him out of here.
Ralphie as Adult: A football? Oh no, what was I doing? Wake up, Stupid! Wake up!
Ralphie: [Is shoved down the slide, but he stops himself and climbs back up]
No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
Santa Claus: You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
— A Christmas Story (1983)
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Just One of Those Days
So, this is how it has been for the last few weeks, being sick, having too much work to do, and delivering babies. I feel like this guy, and I have to get over it, cause Christmas is coming, and I want Jesus to have the best bdidders EVER!
Back by special request
Not quite an asstat, but a darned good one anyways. This munk's fer yew, Munners.
Monday, December 18, 2006
My personality: Crazy Squirrel
I have a hard time fitting in with the plastics at high school because I am just too nutty. I couldn’t stop stealing their acorns if I tried. Crazy as can be, the only way to survive is to stuff my cheeks full and wait for the winter.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
My personality: Not So Mean
I have a hard time fitting in with the plastics at high school because I am just too nice. I couldn’t even be mean if I tried. Sweet as can be, the best way to catch flies is with honey of course.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #14
Got to work late 'cause my alarm was busted
The boss chewed me out and everybody's disgusted
'Cause it's one of those days, it's just one of those days
I lost one of my socks in the drier
I can't find my wallet and my hair is on fire
Just one of those days, it's just one of those days
I just wrapped my Cadillac around a tree
A big swarm of locusts is following me
There's not even anything good on TV
It's just one of those days, it's just one of those days
Left all my Beatles records out in the sun
Got a Coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue
It's just one of those days, gonna be one of those days
The nazis tied me up and covered me with ants
And I spilled toxic waste on my brand new pants
Just one of those days, ever have one of those days
The bank called me up and told me I'm overdrawn
Some freaks are burnin' crosses out on my front lawn
And I can't believe it, all the Cheetos are gone
It's just, just one of those, one of those days
Just one of those, one of those days
The F.B.I. has got a tap on my phone
Those darn Russian spies won't leave me alone
Shouldn't have got up this morning, should've known
It's just one of those days, it's just one of those days
A 747 crashed into my den
And there's nothin' but tater-tots for dinner again
It's just one of those days
Never mind, it's just one of those days
Big steamroller just ran over my mom
And I cut myself shaving and they're dropping the bomb
It's just one of those days
That's all, it's just one of those days
Then late at night, just before I go to bed
The world blows up and now everybody's dead
You just can't deny it, it's just like I said
Just, just one of those, one of those days
Just one of those, one of those days
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days
— Weird Al "Just One of Those Days"
Monday, December 04, 2006
Word of the day...
| 1. | Fry Tax | |
When buying fast food for a friend who has no money, it's the the process of taxing your friend by taking a small percentage of their fries as a payment "Russell fry taxed Pierre after their trip to McDonald's and took half of his fries!" www.urbandictionary.com | ||
Friday, December 01, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.
— Christmas Vacation (1989)
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
ODE to the Unimind...
Memmmmmmories,
Like the corrrrrrrnnners of my mind
Misty water-colored memmmmmmories
Of the way we were...
(sniffle)
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Oh Hoff, how we have missed you...
From the official David Hasselfhoff House of Pancakes...
...er, Site Of Worship. Yeah.
...er, Site Of Worship. Yeah.
Carrot Loves Weird Al moment #102
Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one
Open up a package of my bologna
Ooh, I think the toast is done, the toast is done
Top it with a little of my bologna
Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna
Spreadin' on the mustard now, show me how
Spread it on a litle of this bologna
Hopin' that we don't run out, don't run out
If we do I'm sure that I'll miss bologna
Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
[belch]
Goin' to the market now, market now
I'm the city's biggest bologna buyer
Walkin' down the shopping isles, shopping isles
Filling up my basket with Oscar Meyer
Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
M-m-m-my bologna
— Weird Al, "My Bologna"
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
A Visual Aid For Those Who Hold the Hearts of My Nearest and Dearest
Just so we're all on the same page...
what will happen if you break their hearts
*includes husbands
Friday, November 10, 2006
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
Left Ear: Just give me a minute.
Charlie Croker: [impatiently] NOW?
Left Ear: I'm about to insert this detonator tube, and if the brass touches the sides, you and I will be the last people each of us will see.
Charlie Croker: Take all the time you need.
Left Ear: [after a pause] Hey, Charlie?
Charlie Croker: What?
Left Ear: I love you, man.
Charlie Croker: I love you too.
— The Italian Job (2003)
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
For Brindy
Hadn't heard from Brindy in a while so thought I would send her something I thought was funny, although I am not sure it fits anything. Just figured out how to You Tube and picked the first thing I could find.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Weird Al is my hero
From NPR.org:
- According to Yankovic, Blunt himself gave his blessing to a song called "You're Pitiful", which was to appear on Yankovic's now-finished but as-yet-unreleased new album. But after Yankovic finished recording the parody, Atlantic Records, Blunt's label, told Yankovic that he couldn't release "You're Pitiful." Though Yankovic has encountered resistance from artists before -- after a miscommunication involving permissions, Coolio publicly objected to a released parody of "Gangsta's Paradise," while Prince has always turned down Yankovic's requests to parody his hits -- he says this is the first time a label has stepped in to squash the release of one of his parodies. (Quoth an Atlantic representative: "We have no comment on this matter.")
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Munny Hunny!!!
Thank you for calling Walmart Tire Lube Express, where we sell tires for less. This is G-Munny Unit Honey Babe fo-Sho! How MAY I help you?
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