Hope you had a wodnerful diddums weekend Brindyface! I just thought this graphic was cute, let us have a contest to decide what the T.M.I. should stand for! My vote is for:
The
Mildy
Inebriated
Yes? No? Fine, you come up with something better!
The night could not have went better. It was without injury or any particular event worth mentioning. It was simply a nice evening with me madre and my good friends, The Darkness and Minor. Darkness kept my mama company with his addictive charm and conversation. Minor and I misbehaved as usual. We concluded the evening with stiffies from the 'Bow and just as I was about to be abandoned, my Furstenfeld look-a-like was perched at the end of the bar all by his lonesome. He might as well had a big red bow on his head, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME!
So, the plans for my actual bdiddy are quite suprising. I had imagined a night of wondering from place to place up and down MT Ave until I passed out or broke my leg or something. Alas Darkness, because he just can't help but be the coolest mawrucka I eva knew, has volunteered to throw a kegger/house party in my honor. That is exactly what I wanted last year and I asked for it a month or two in advance and he bailed on me at the last minute. Sad I know. But this year, it was all his idea and I am going to have the best of times, sans Danno. I wish there was going to be some Miller Time, but I will have a beer with cheers as I recollect our fondest memories of BGO. Heres to wishing I might make it through the event in tact, Fire Pig, you're not invited!
How can you govern a nation that has two hundred and forty different kinds of cheese? -Charles de Gaulle
Alabama - Hell, Yes, We Have Electricity.
Alaska - 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona - Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.
Arkansas - Literacy Ain't Everythang.
California - By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado - If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
Connecticut - Like Massachusetts , only smaller.
Delaware - We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
Florida - Ask Us About Our Grand kids And Our Voting Skills.
Georgia - We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii - Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho - More Than Just Potatoes. Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois - Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana - 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa - We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas - First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky - Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana - We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
Maine - We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland - If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts - Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt
Michigan - First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes
Mississippi - Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri - Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana - Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing
Crazies, and Honest Elections
Nebraska - Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada - Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire - Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey - You Want A ##$%##! Motto?I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico - Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York - You Have The Right To Remain Silent,You Have The Right To An Attorney And No Right To Self Defense!
North Carolina - Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota - We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio - At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma - Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon - Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania - Cook With Coal
Rhode Island - We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina - Remember The Civil War?Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender, Yet!
South Dakota - Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee - Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum
Texas - Se Hable Ingles
Utah - Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont - Too liberal for the Kennedys
Virginia - Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington - Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!
West Virginia - One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin - Come Cut the Cheese!
Wyoming - Home of Brokeback Mountain
The District of Columbia - The Work-Free Drug Place
Well, as the Metal Monkey, I have hurt myself pretty good approximately every two weeks since the beginning of the year. I recently looked up my Chinese horoscope and it explained it all to me:
Monkey Health
"It is in this area where you could have the most problems this year. You are susceptible to illness and especially accidents. The combination of Fire and Metal is conducive to injuries."
So, I thought I would give a rundown of the injuries in order.
1. Big ol scrape from Z's deep dark basement when we came back from the Carino wedding all sauced up and I had to help him down the stairs.
2. Steam burn on my wrist from cooking broccoli, it left my skin looking like an aligator's for about a month.
3. I stumbled on the long walk home from a night of dice and debauchery and hurt my ankle REAL BAD. Prolly should have gone to the doc, but I just walked like an old lady for a month or so.
4. Tripped on the living room rug and slammed my head on a table, got a nice bruise on my arm.
5. Slipped on the floor at the fake Sublime concert at the 'Yard and my knee got hurt from my leg bending the wrong way. Now, I can barely walk at all.
6. Tripped on the living room rug again got some rug burns on my knees. AND... I have bruises all over my legs and arms that I have no recollection of acquiring.
7. Slipped in the shower and fell backwards, landed in between the tub and the stool, should have a nice bruise on my back, haven't had a chance to look yet.
So, if this is what has happened thus far, what is in store for the remainder of the year? Just something I have pondered recently as I poke and squish the blue, green, purple and yellow spots on my appendages. Stoopid Fire Pig!!
Monkeys don't get much sexier than this. Hopefully I can be as alluring as this in the late hours of celebration, ow! The count down is as follows: Rock-out-with-my-cake-out tomorrow for me madre and party-on-Garth Saturday, for my actual day. Oh, the horror of getting through this Wednesday... gah, especially when my blog counterparts are no where to be found.
How is it that I just found this luxury item? At $1500, I think I might have to wait for one of my beezles to buy it FOR me for my bdidder, but wouldn't it be grand to sport it as I celebrate? Just a little reminder that there are people out there crazier than me.
It's official! The VIOH has finally moved to the new Blogger template! Not only do we have a brand spankin' new look, but soon our archived posts will be labeled for your surfing pleasure. Feel free to let us know what you think!
My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.
Who's working anyway?
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
Ace Ventura: [as Captain Kirk] Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from... total annihilation. SO FAR... no... signs of aquatic life, but I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I've... GOT TO, MISTER.
Definitions for a few of the world's most awesome haircuts ever!!! To be continued for sure...
Bowllet - the combination of two of the worst haircuts imaginable, and quite possibly the worst mullet style of all.
The 10/90 - often cited as the purest of all mullets, simply 10% of the hair on the top and 90% hanging off the back.
The Rat Tail - a cowardly mullet, for someone who would dearly love to have a mullet but doesn't have the courage to go all the way.
Alas, true love with Giselle was not to be, and Rocket is still in the hunt. Introducing Rocket's E-Date #2:
A special thanks to 300 and Rome for inspiration. Subject to change
at whim...
"I always prayed that God would give me the wisdom and the vision to do the things on this earth that I was supposed to do to express His life and love and His will." - Billy Ray Cyrus
This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what crowd you ran with, etc. It's based purely on how you react to the stimuli presented on the web-page. It's pretty dern accurate. And remember, you'll always be cool in my book!
Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you
Actually, on second thought, well, I suppose I could
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honey, you're the greatest
Well, at any rate, I guess you're pretty good
Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky
I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more
I honestly can say you're an above average lady
You're almost just what I've been looking for
You're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now
You're pretty close to what I've always hoped for
That's why my love for you is fairly strong
And I swear I'm never gonna leave you, darlin'
At least 'til something better comes along
'Cause you're sort of everything I ever wanted
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now
No, not really, but you're good enough for now
— "Good Enough For Now" Weird Al Yankovic
Poor Rocket... he's got lots of free time now that Sprout has arrived. Carrot and Gus to the rescue!!! Introducing Rocket's E-Date #1:
