Wednesday, August 16, 2006

You Might be a Child of the 80's If...

• You have deep, personal relationships via computers with people you've never met in real life before.

• The phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis.

• You know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song.

• Songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day.

• You remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone for the weekend".

• You remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV.

• You're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60's, pissed that you were a part of the 70's, think you wasted too much time doing stupid, meaningless things in the 80's, and still have no clue what the 90's are all about.

• While in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by Prince over and over again.

• You remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was.

• You were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion (which you were probably watching in school at the time), and yet, when someone mentions the name "JFK", the first thing you think of is "Oliver Stone".

• You, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to "It's the end of the world as we know it".

• You took family trips before the invention of the mini-van. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.

• You've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut".

• You can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" didn't involve 49,000 selections to choose from.

• Schoolhouse Rock played a huge part in how you actually learned the English language.

• There were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter".

• The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.

• You're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all, and it's those people over 40 you have to look out for.

• Your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting".

• This timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life: Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the creatures are WAY cool. Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of every collectible out there. Return of the Jedi hits the are now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or Han Solo's butt.

• You remember when the phrase "candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth" started getting followed by "yeah, but M&M's won't give you AIDS...".

• You're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major degree.

• You won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a first name basis because "there's too many kids there".

• Going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods when the cops show up.

• You're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel, not just from parents, but now from friends that are married.

• You've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so.

• You're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo used on MTV any more.

• You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.

• You ever used the phrase "don't make me wouldn't like me when I'm angry" when trying to frighten someone off.

• You spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man.

• You remember "Hey, let's be careful out there".

• You know who shot J.R.

• This rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."

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