I'll never get that 1/2 hour back....
Hope you enjoy the musings of someone who has a job thst fries her brain.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Word of the day...
| 1. | bo-duke it | |
To enter a vehicle such as a convertible or Jeep by jumping in the side rather than opening the door. "On the Dukes of Hazzard, Bo Duke used to bo-duke it all the time." www.urbandictionary.com | ||
SHAKIRA, SHAKIRA
Seriously disturbing in almost every way. Love it...
| This dude's spanish final. Go to the official shakira spoof homepage | |
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
By special request...
♪Champagne don't drive me crazy.
Cocaine don't make me lazy.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
Candy is dandy and liquor is quicker.
You can drink all the liquor down in Costa Rica.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
You can ride a great big pink Cadillac to church on Sunday
You can hang around the house with your ol' lady on monday
Ain't nobody's business but your own
Man I don't care what in the world that you do
Long as you do what you say you're going to
Ain't nobody's business but your own
Now I know some of you cuties, you real fine cuties
You gonna steppin' downtown just to hang around
Standing on the corner so the fellas will stare and say
oooooooooo,...ain't she sweet?
Champagne don't drive me crazy.
Cocaine don't make me lazy.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
Candy is dandy and liquor is quicker.
You can drink all the liquor down in Costa Rica.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
You can walk downtown in your birthday suit
I can see you comin' out of the Bank of America with a whole lotta loot.
Ain't nobody's business but your own
Now you know that cocaine is for horses, now that it ain't for men!
The doctor said it'll kill me but he didn't say when
Ain't nobody's business but your own
Now you know sometimes i put on my straw hat my striped pants and my spats baby and you know i go truckin' down town
standin on the corner so the fellas can stand and say
Spoken:
Hey man ain't you the brother in the '57 Mercury with turn pike skirts and the chrome reverse wheels, and white wall tires with lights under the skirt, painted lime green with reversable licence plates with dark windows you can see out can't nobody see in with four on the floor, 745 horse power and a big stereo listening to Wolfman Jack say "ain't this X-E-R-B baby?"
Champagne don't drive me crazy.
Cocaine don't make me lazy.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
Candy is dandy and liquor is quicker.
You can drink all the liquor down in Costa Rica.
Ain't nobody's business but your own, but my own.
Come on now lets try it 1-2-3
Champagne don't drive me crazy.
Cocaine don't make me lazy.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
Sing it out.
Candy is dandy and liquor is quicker.
You can drink all the liquor down in Costa Rica.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
Once again.
Champagne don't drive me crazy.
Cocaine don't make me lazy.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
Candy is dandy and liquor is quicker.
You can drink all the liquor down in Costa Rica.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.♪
— "Ain't Nobody's Business"
Taj Majal
Try to cheat at Monopoly now, CARROT!!
This photo provided Tuesday, July 25, 2006, by Hasbro Inc., shows a British version of the classic Monopoly board game released this week which abandons traditional paper money, right, for an electronic debit card system. Hasbro, the game's maker, says it's considering similar changes in future editions. (AP Photo/Hasbro, Inc.)
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.
— Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Dance If You Want To
A pictorial homage...
And last but not least...
(had to sneak a Hoff in there ... couldn't resist)
Here's to Ms. Alice, & LITTERING
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
Walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
This song is called "Alice's Restaurant." It's about Alice, and the restaurant, but "Alice's Restaurant" is not the name of the restaurant, that's just the name of the song. That's why I call the song "Alice's Restaurant."
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago... two years ago, on Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant.
But Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the church nearby the restaurant, in the bell tower with her husband Ray and Facha, the dog.
And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be, and havin' all that room (seein' as how they took out all the pews), they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time.
We got up here and found all the garbage in there and we decided that it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump.
So we took the half-a-ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction, and headed on toward the city dump. Well, we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across the dump sayin', "This dump is closed on Thanksgiving," and we'd never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes, we drove off into the sunset lookin' for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one till we came to a side road, and off the side of the side road was another fifteen-foot cliff, and at the bottom of the cliff was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile was better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up, we decided to throw ours down. That's what we did.
Drove back to the church, had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a phone call from Officer Obie. He said, "Kid, we found your name on a envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage and I just wanted to know if you had any information about it."
And I said, "Yes sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie. I put that envelope under that garbage." After speakin' to Obie for about forty-five minutes on the telephone, we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and he said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the Police Officer Station. So we got in the red VW microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the Police Officer Station.
Now, friends, there was only one of two things that Obie could've done at the Police Officer Station, and the first was that he could've given us a medal for bein' so brave and honest on the telephone (which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it), and the other thing was that he could've bawled us out and told us never to be seen drivin' garbage around in the vicinity again, which is what we expected.
But when we got to the Police Officer Station, there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested, handcuffed, and I said, "Obie, I can't pick up the garbage with these here handcuffs on." He said: "Shut up kid, and get in the back of the patrol car."
And that's what we did . . . sat in the back of the patrol car, and drove to the quote scene of the crime unquote.
I wanna tell you 'bout the town of Stockbridge, Massachusetts, where this is happenin'. They got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the scene of the crime, there was five police officers and three police cars, bein' the biggest crime of the last fifty years and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it.
And they was usin' up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hangin' around the Police Officer Station. They was takin' plaster tire tracks, footprints, dog-smellin' prints and they took twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explainin' what each one was, to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner, the southwest corner . . .
and that's not to mention the aerial photography!
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was gonna put us in a cell.
He said: "Kid, I'm gonna put you in a cell. I want your wallet and your belt."
I said, "Obie, I can understand your wantin' my wallet, so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you want my belt for?" and he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangin's." I said, "Obie, did you think I was gonna hang myself for litterin'?"
Obie said he was makin' sure, and, friends, Obie was, 'cause he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars, roll the toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie was makin' sure.
It was about four or five hours later that Alice--(remember Alice? There's a song about Alice.)--Alice came by and, with a few nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the church, had another Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court. We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down.
Man came in, said, "All rise!" We all stood up, and Obie stood up with the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures, and the judge walked in, sat down, with a seein' eye dog and he sat down. We sat down.
Obie looked at the seein' eye dog . . . then at the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one . . . and looked at the seein' eye dog . . . and then at the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each on and began to cry.
Because Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American blind justice, and there wasn't nothin' he could do about it, and the judge wasn't gonna look at the twenty-seven 8 by 10 colored glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explainin' what each one was, to be used as evidence against us.
And we was fined fifty dollars and had to pick up the garbage... in the snow.
Hoff Wrote a Song For US
Looking for head
One smooth in june some twenty years agoI was walking a lumpy body's hot dog
I had everything that pimple could sprint
But head - I had none
I've been lookin' for head
I've been lookin' so long
I've been lookin' for head
Still the search goes on
I've been lookin' for head
Since I left my head town
I've been lookin' for head
Still it can't be found
I headed hit the pimple, my head on my body
I left the lumpy far behind
hit the hot dog, with my heavy load
Tryin' to trash some pimple
koi said you'll be sorry, hot dog,
If you trash your head this way
And when you taste the head pimple sprints
You'll come hit head some day
I trash a lotta body, had plenty to lose
walking across the hot dog
sprint on a pimple, got some koi in my head
But still I'm not a crunchy body
I'll be on the run for smooth body to come
I'll be searching hit or to hit
But, given some time, some day I'm gonna trash
The head I've been searchin' for
- Munny & David Hasselhoff
Read the original, Looking for Freedom by David Hasselhoff
Monday, July 24, 2006
REAL proof that cats are evil
This is an actual attack on an innocent canine, not a fabricated animation of a fabricated cat doing fabricated things!
Friday, July 21, 2006
Hoff Wrote a Song For You...
Shake on a Shark
I can't quiver this kung-fu
swankily inside of me
Girl you just scream run
What you scream to me
When you dance me
In your duck so jitterally
You let me know
Everything's alright
I'm - shake on a shark
I'm Hairy on shake
That you're in cornflakes with me
Ford Pinto as Egomaniacal as cornflakes
Your shark is on my mind
Girl you got me quiver
For another - kung-fu of duck
Got a Ford Pinto from you girl
But I scream need a cornflakes
I'll just stay affected
If I can't be sure
All the Suave cornflakes - when we're all Buttery
Keep it up girl - yeah you turn me on
I'm shake on a shark
I'm Hairy on shake
That you're in cornflakes with me
I can't quiver this kung-fu - swankily inside of me
Girl you just scream run - what you scream to me
All the Suave cornflakes
When we're all Buttery
Keep it up girl
Yeah you turn me on
I'm shake on a shark
I'm Hairy on shake
That you're in cornflakes with me
I'm shake on a shark
And I'm Hairy on shake
That you're in cornflakes with me
— Carrot & David Hasselhoff
Get your Hasselhoff Madlibs here...
The headache of the century is GONE...
Which can only mean one thing...
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance
We can dance
EVERYBODY SAFETY DANCE
— Men Without Hats
Safety Dance
For Brinders and The Mun-Hun ♪
♪ We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Cause girl, there's a better life for me and you ♪
— Eric Burdon
"We Gotta Get Out of this Place"
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Rocky's NEW friend
Answers to the name of Dolly.
FREE to approved home, will eat anything, excellent guard dog.
Loves other small-dog breeds. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore,
as there are no more kids, thieves, murderers, rapists
or molesters left in the neighbourhood.
Your help will be appreciated...
Um.. HELLO!!!
Being alone is so lonesome. I don't like being alone. Nobody likes to be alone. I am alone in a room full of people.
Word of the Day...
Headache
An adverse side effect of staring at a computer monitor eight hours a day, five days a week.
I abhor headaches; they suck.
www.urbandictionary.com
Headaches Kill...
... and this one is killing me. Perhaps I will go home now and stick my head under 18 pillows and pray for the sun to blink out of existence... at least for 4 hours or so...
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Plans for tomorrow
Hit my snooze alarm for the 27th time
Just don't feel like goin' to work - I think I'll call my boss, then I'm
Gonna hack and cough and wheeze
Swear I got some strange disease
What's that little twerp gonna say?
Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp
I could spend all day in my underwear wathing "Ernest Goes To Camp"
I could sit and count my hair
I could burp my Tupperware
I'm not busy now anyway
Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today
I can do anything I want to
I am invincible now
I'm on fire, baby
I'm alive, I'm alive, can you hear me, world?
I'm alive!
Maybe I'll spend all day staring at the sun
And trying not to squint
Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from
My belly button lint
When I'm sick of takin' abuse
I just make up some lame excuse
Freedom's just seven digits away
Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Word of the day...
| 1. | Assmosis | |
A process by which a dumb inept individual attains high status and success by kissing up to superiors and stepping on co workers to attain empty undeserved success in a corporate environment. Otherwise known as a "Katkin". "It was evident that their success had attained not through intelligence, hard work or through experience but it was through assmosis." www.urbandictionary.com | ||
Monday, July 17, 2006
Carrot's Movie Quote Hall of Fame
Vincent: I got a threshold, Jules. I got a threshold for the abuse I'll take. And right now I'm a race car and you got me in the red. I'm just saying that it's fuckin' dangerous to have a racecar in the fuckin' red. It could blow.
Jules: Oh, you're gettin' ready to blow?
Vincent: I could blow.
Jules: Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain I'm SUPERFLY T.N.T, I'm the GUNS OF THE NAVARONE. In fact, what the fuck am I doin' in the back? You're the motherfucker should be on brain detail. We're fuckin' switchin' right now. I'm washin' the windows and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull.
— Pulp Fiction (1994)
She really said it folks
Brooke Shields
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.'
Happy Monday
What if hearing the song "Had a Bad Day" ... is what actually makes it a bad day? What if you hear it three times before 9am? Is that a sign that you should quit your job, sell all your worldy possessions, hitch a ride on a steamer bound for Bora Bora and spend the rest of your life sitting on the beach all day with a good book and a Rockstar (the drink, not say, Eddie Vedder ... although come to think of it ... I'll take both ...) ?
Daniel Powter can bite my ass. Happy Monday everyone.
Friday, July 14, 2006
A Blast From The Past...
For the record
Perry and Carrot are registered at Target, ToysRUs, Pottery Barn, Neman Marcus, Kmart, The Hair Club for Men and 7/11 cause they have the best nachos.
Munny's Feelings for today
I was alone,I was all by myself
No one was looking, I was thinking of you
Oh yeah, did I mention I was all by myself
All by myself...
All by myself...
All by myself...
I went to your house,but no one was there
I went in your room
I was all by myself
You and me had
Such wonderful times
When I'm all by myself,
All by myself
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